Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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