Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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