she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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