life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
