Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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