I will die if light touches me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
