Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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