Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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