She's JV to your varsity
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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