I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
