Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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