Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
