She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
did i walk over a car last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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