She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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