Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
