There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
