party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
