ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
