She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
