I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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