I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
