did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
operation have a gay friend backfired
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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