I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
