even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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