my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
