Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
