hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
