you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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