I'm jealous of your bromance
I have demons in me.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
