Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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