you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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