woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
