Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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