Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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