I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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