yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
