whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
