are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
