All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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