I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize