its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
