i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
