bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
did you just send me my own nude
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
