she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
