i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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