It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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