I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
