Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
