I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
