I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
