Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
