yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't put those talents on a resume
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
