Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
