I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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