She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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