I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
