Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
