I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
