in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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