so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
