So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
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Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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