Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
