the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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