i jhust puked up my retainher.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
