I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
