I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found the puke drawer
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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