I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
