i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
