I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
