Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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