I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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