rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
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We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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